Oversees Women Coffee February 2010 Bangalore, India
Life revolves around making connections with people. This task is onerous when one is thrust into a new environment. Additional layers of frustrations occur when the new location is in a foreign place. When I relocated to India, my senses were overwhelmed by everything. Even though I knew that I would need to find ways to meet others, my apprehensions and fears stalled the process. Several weeks after arriving in India, I changed my mindset. Connecting with expats became a priority. One day, I boldly hailed an auto rickshaw and made my first appearance at the Overseas Women’s Club of Bangalore. In Chapter 14 of May This Be the Best Year of Your Life, I recount this adventure.
It’s not easy to develop new friendships when you are in your fifties under any circumstances. So imagine what it was like to be in a foreign country with limited opportunities to interact with people. I couldn’t rely on Josh to be my social director forever. If I had any hope of living and working in Bangalore, I needed to start networking and meeting other people.
Fortuitously, the Overseas Women’s Club of Bangalore became a portal.This group hosted a variety of social and charitable events. Every Thursday morning from ten to twelve, the club hosted an informal coffee at which foreigners could get to know one another.
Leela Palace, Bangalore
After my positive experiences in the taxi and auto rickshaw, I mustered up the courage later that week to flag down a rickshaw. By providing Kiran Hospital*—a building across the street from the women’s club meeting place—as the destination instead of the five-star Leela Palace Kempinski Bangalore Hotel, I was possibly short-circuiting an unethical driver’s natural tendency to rip off a foreigner. The strategy worked like a charm. I was charged the appropriate fare, forty-five rupees ($1.10), based on Josh’s calculations.
Two American women greeted me. They were seated near the entrance to a terrace situated off of a large, breathtaking garden with a cascading waterfall. I ended up speaking with one of the women, an older expatriate from America, for a very long time. Decades ago, she married an Indian man and opted to remain in India after he died. She understood that the adjustment period was a slow and cumbersome process, and told me not to hesitate to call her.
Oversees Women Coffee February 2010 Bangalore, India
From there I helped myself to some green tea and a couple of crackers, and I proceeded to mingle. Groups of women were sitting and standing throughout the large room. Where should I start? The women in the first group were from all over the globe—Finland, England, Canada, and the United States. The Overseas Women’s Club boasted a total membership of over 900, and nearly a hundred were attending today. Almost everyone was in India due to her husband’s job. Unlike Ira, almost all of the husbands were India-based employees of American or international companies, so the wives had visas that were tied to their husbands’ employment visas. As a result, the women had deluxe accommodations, cars, chauffeurs, and servants. All of the women I spoke with sheltered themselves from the day-to-day life of India.
None of the women I met had ever taken a rickshaw—with their husband or by themselves. All were content to have a company driver take them wherever they chose to go, which seemed to be limited to a small radius from their homes. The perks offered by the corporations appeared to be the main incentive for their relocation. The costly price tag of educating expat children at private schools was a bonus that was hard to pass up. Several of the women asked if I would be interested in joining them for lunch. How could I refuse? So I dined in the hotel with nine other women who hailed from different parts of the world.
Outside Garden Leela Palace Bangalore, India
Seated across from me, a European woman with short brown hair and a radiant smile was telling everyone that she finally received her possessions after waiting for eighteen months. Before coming to Bangalore, she’d packed all of her things into a large container and had brought only one suitcase. Even though she was told not to place a car in the enormous container, her husband had opted to put the family car inside. It was hard to believe that she would disregard such an obvious restriction. How did they think custom officials would react to the car? It took a year and a half of negotiating over a hefty tax before she could obtain her possessions. When the container was finally released to her, all of her summer clothing was missing. She joked feebly that Indians were wearing her favorite designer outfits in Mumbai.
The trek to the hotel added another notch on my belt of confidence. In the process, I met a new group of people who had one thing in common with me—learning to cope in India as a Westerner.
*Kiran Hospital is a fictitious name.
Connecting with expats at the Overseas Women’s Club of Bangalore was one of the first steps that I took to regain my sense of balance. Over time, the symptoms of culture shock started to diminish as I reestablished my comfort zone. In retrospect, I am very glad that one of Josh’s friends told me about the Overseas Women’s Club of Bangalore. By spending time with the people who attended, I learned that I was not alone. My apprehensions were shared by most of the women that I encountered. Expats from North America and Europe had common concerns. By embracing this camaraderie, I could move forward and be more confident.
If you are an expat, I highly recommend connecting with a similar group in your area.
Book Giveaway
Do you have an expat experience that you would like to share?
Have you stepped outside your comfort zone lately?
Anyone sharing his/her experience in the comment section (see below) before March 31 will be eligible for a random drawing. The winner will receive an autographed copy of May This Be the Best Year of Your Life.
Sandra Bornstein is the author of MAY THIS BE THE BEST YEAR OF YOUR LIFE. It is available onAmazon.Sandra’s memoir highlights her living and teaching adventure in Bangalore, India. She is a licensed Colorado teacher who has taught K-12 students in the United States and abroad as well as college level courses. Sandra is married and has four adult sons. The memoir was a finalist in the Travel category for the 2013 Next Generation Indie Book Awards, the 2013 International Book Awards, the 2013 National Indie Book Excellence Awards, the 2013 USA Best Book Awards, and received an Honorable Mention award in the Multicultural Non-Fiction category for the 2013 Global ebook Awards.
I admire your courage. I was recently in Italy for the first time. I was determined to do an outing away from my tour group. I found myself wandering down a narrow cobblestone street off a piazza. Seeing a picture of a panini over a store, I went inside. The person behind the counter did not speak English. I pointed to a menu board on the wall, hoping I was ordering something edible. While he was making my sandwich, I sat at a small table to wait. There was one other seated customer and she and the man were talking in mocking tones while glancing at me. I felt they were amused at this illiterate American. As soon as my panini was ready, I fled to the street. The panini was deliciously crisp and savory and worth my discomfort!
Lois,
Sometimes it is wise to stay with a tour group and not wander. However, when you choose to travel solo in a foreign country, you need to be flexible. Language barriers can present interesting stories. Most merchants and people will find a way to communicate. Few will create issues. Since you don’t know Italian, it is difficult to determine what the other customers were saying. I personally would not let strangers disrupt my travel adventures. I would not let this episode deter you from future solo excursions. There is so much you can learn from traveling, eating local foods, and meeting new people.
I now live in Colorado and am originally from Texas. I have never stepped out of my comfort zone to embark for another country and would be so fearful to do that. You are a brave woman. Wonderful reading.
Danise, I never thought that I would ever live as an expat in India. Unexpected events happened and I had to react accordingly. The experience opened my eyes to a totally different world. I slowly learned how to adapt to life outside my comfort zone. Years later, I am happy that I was willing to take that challenge and not allow my fears to control my actions. One doesn’t have to go to a foreign country to have this experience. I’m sure that when you moved to Colorado, you had to adapt to some new situations.
I have been traveling solo, often off the beaten path, for 30 years and I seem to thrive on stepping into the unknown! While at times stressful, I do ask for help readily and in doing so, make wonderful and interesting connections with all sorts of people. In Mexican cities, I ride the rattling public buses and shop at the local street markets for groceries. Before a trip, I lean on expats and locals alike -(online) for advice and insider tips.
This summer I am moving from Oregon to Monterrey, Mexico to begin a new life and new job at a school there. Although I have been many places in Mexico and speak decent Spanish, I have never been to my new adopted city. I know some friends and family think I am brave and a couple even lean more towards “foolish”, but I am following my dream of living in Mexico and excited about growing through challenges and new experiences.
Yes, I can relate to the thin line that divides people’s sentiments. I can vividly recall how many people considered my Indian teaching adventure to be an insane idea. Stepping outside the norm is not for everyone. Fears and apprehensions can be paralyzing. Many will avoid such situations like the plague. However, seeing the experience as an adventure provides a totally different perspective. Life should be lived to the fullest.You certainly follow that model.Dreams are to be followed, not left in the dust.
Enjoy your new adventure in Mexico. Please do not hesitate to share your experiences on this site. My audience would be interested in your Mexican teaching adventure.
I used to be a member whilst living in Bangalore. I did some charity and freelance work to be useful and keep myself busy whilst my husband was working all hours between Bangalore and Mumbai. I now live permantly in Melbourne Australia. I am in the fashion industry and currenlty starting up a part time project in my field. Is there anyone with any fashion and fabric experence and interested who may like to work with me?
Please get in touch. I also would love to know how the club is going 10 yr on from when i left.
Denise Stringer
Greetings to the Overseas Women’s club.
I have heard about this club and I am not an expat, I am an Indian. My reason behind posting this reply is that I am a student pursuing my Postgraduate degree in Human resources development and management. As an assignment for International Human Resource Management paper of my degree, I am assigned to look for an expat, currently working in India, and have a few minutes of interview regarding their process of expatriation to India. Since it is a club of women, it was easier for me as a woman to approach. If anybody from the club is interested to meet and go through the interview kindly contact me through my email address. The assignment is due in a week so kindly reply soon it would be of great help. I apologize for this is not a platform to request things as such, but I didn’t know what to do to reach out to an expatriate. Thank you.
Hello
I am about to return to Bangalore after visiting my aging parents and working in the USA. I have been in and out of India since 1992 so I am very familiar with the culture in various parts of India and in both village and curry contexts.
I have fallen in love with an Indian man and we have started a small audio and video production company in Bangalore. It is my intention to come and go from India so that I can continue to keep a meaningful relationship with my dear parents in their golden years.
Also, as much as I love India and feel that I will come and go from her for the rest of my life, I often feel that fully integrating into Indian culture as an empowered, independent, wildly creative, adventurous and outspoken female is like trying to ascend Mt. Everest barefoot!
Whenever I am there I eventually feel the gender inequalities challenge my sensibilities. This time I really want to create a social foundation of understanding and support with international women from various cultures who find themselves immersed in modern India.
I would be very happy to virtually connect prior to my arrival next week and find out more about participating in events offered by the group.
In Kindness,
Tina
Tina,
Thanks for reaching out and adding a comment. I have not lived in Bangalore for many years. Please feel free to connect with the group. Good luck with your relationship and future pursuits. Sandy
I admire your courage. I was recently in Italy for the first time. I was determined to do an outing away from my tour group. I found myself wandering down a narrow cobblestone street off a piazza. Seeing a picture of a panini over a store, I went inside. The person behind the counter did not speak English. I pointed to a menu board on the wall, hoping I was ordering something edible. While he was making my sandwich, I sat at a small table to wait. There was one other seated customer and she and the man were talking in mocking tones while glancing at me. I felt they were amused at this illiterate American. As soon as my panini was ready, I fled to the street. The panini was deliciously crisp and savory and worth my discomfort!
Lois,
Sometimes it is wise to stay with a tour group and not wander. However, when you choose to travel solo in a foreign country, you need to be flexible. Language barriers can present interesting stories. Most merchants and people will find a way to communicate. Few will create issues. Since you don’t know Italian, it is difficult to determine what the other customers were saying. I personally would not let strangers disrupt my travel adventures. I would not let this episode deter you from future solo excursions. There is so much you can learn from traveling, eating local foods, and meeting new people.
I now live in Colorado and am originally from Texas. I have never stepped out of my comfort zone to embark for another country and would be so fearful to do that. You are a brave woman. Wonderful reading.
Danise, I never thought that I would ever live as an expat in India. Unexpected events happened and I had to react accordingly. The experience opened my eyes to a totally different world. I slowly learned how to adapt to life outside my comfort zone. Years later, I am happy that I was willing to take that challenge and not allow my fears to control my actions. One doesn’t have to go to a foreign country to have this experience. I’m sure that when you moved to Colorado, you had to adapt to some new situations.
I have been traveling solo, often off the beaten path, for 30 years and I seem to thrive on stepping into the unknown! While at times stressful, I do ask for help readily and in doing so, make wonderful and interesting connections with all sorts of people. In Mexican cities, I ride the rattling public buses and shop at the local street markets for groceries. Before a trip, I lean on expats and locals alike -(online) for advice and insider tips.
This summer I am moving from Oregon to Monterrey, Mexico to begin a new life and new job at a school there. Although I have been many places in Mexico and speak decent Spanish, I have never been to my new adopted city. I know some friends and family think I am brave and a couple even lean more towards “foolish”, but I am following my dream of living in Mexico and excited about growing through challenges and new experiences.
Yes, I can relate to the thin line that divides people’s sentiments. I can vividly recall how many people considered my Indian teaching adventure to be an insane idea. Stepping outside the norm is not for everyone. Fears and apprehensions can be paralyzing. Many will avoid such situations like the plague. However, seeing the experience as an adventure provides a totally different perspective. Life should be lived to the fullest.You certainly follow that model.Dreams are to be followed, not left in the dust.
Enjoy your new adventure in Mexico. Please do not hesitate to share your experiences on this site. My audience would be interested in your Mexican teaching adventure.
I used to be a member whilst living in Bangalore. I did some charity and freelance work to be useful and keep myself busy whilst my husband was working all hours between Bangalore and Mumbai. I now live permantly in Melbourne Australia. I am in the fashion industry and currenlty starting up a part time project in my field. Is there anyone with any fashion and fabric experence and interested who may like to work with me?
Please get in touch. I also would love to know how the club is going 10 yr on from when i left.
Denise Stringer
Greetings to the Overseas Women’s club.
I have heard about this club and I am not an expat, I am an Indian. My reason behind posting this reply is that I am a student pursuing my Postgraduate degree in Human resources development and management. As an assignment for International Human Resource Management paper of my degree, I am assigned to look for an expat, currently working in India, and have a few minutes of interview regarding their process of expatriation to India. Since it is a club of women, it was easier for me as a woman to approach. If anybody from the club is interested to meet and go through the interview kindly contact me through my email address. The assignment is due in a week so kindly reply soon it would be of great help. I apologize for this is not a platform to request things as such, but I didn’t know what to do to reach out to an expatriate. Thank you.
Hello
I am about to return to Bangalore after visiting my aging parents and working in the USA. I have been in and out of India since 1992 so I am very familiar with the culture in various parts of India and in both village and curry contexts.
I have fallen in love with an Indian man and we have started a small audio and video production company in Bangalore. It is my intention to come and go from India so that I can continue to keep a meaningful relationship with my dear parents in their golden years.
Also, as much as I love India and feel that I will come and go from her for the rest of my life, I often feel that fully integrating into Indian culture as an empowered, independent, wildly creative, adventurous and outspoken female is like trying to ascend Mt. Everest barefoot!
Whenever I am there I eventually feel the gender inequalities challenge my sensibilities. This time I really want to create a social foundation of understanding and support with international women from various cultures who find themselves immersed in modern India.
I would be very happy to virtually connect prior to my arrival next week and find out more about participating in events offered by the group.
In Kindness,
Tina
Tina,
Thanks for reaching out and adding a comment. I have not lived in Bangalore for many years. Please feel free to connect with the group. Good luck with your relationship and future pursuits. Sandy